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Shame in ABDL – How to overcome it!

One of the biggest things that gets in the way of fully enjoying your diapers is your own mind. I talk to many people who know that the ABDL lifestyle is part of them, but who struggle to fully accept it. There can be negative feelings – of shame, uncertainty or embarrassment. However – all of these feelings are just feelings – and you can overcome them. There are a few thoughts that may help you overcome shame when you pursue your ABDL lifestyle.

Everyone has something that gives them comfort.

What that thing is varies from person to person. However everyone has a basic right to enjoy their life and have hobbies. You have a right to enjoy your ABDL lifestyle. As long as you are not hurting anyone, there is nothing wrong with finding comfort in diapers or regression. Looking for comfort and relaxation is part of being human. That’s nothing to be ashamed about!

Everyone has parts of themselves outside of social rules.

Social rules are just ideas that a large group of people have agreed to. And social rules are different in different countries. If you talk to most people about what they’re interested in, everyone has something they know would be considered a little weird. You’re not alone here, everyone is somewhat outside of social rules. There is no shame in being an adult baby or a diaper lover!

Everyone is different!

Maybe not everyone will understand your ABDL lifestyle, but they don’t have to. Everyone has their own lifestyles, including lifestyle you wouldn’t understand. Just because it might seem weird to someone else doesn’t mean it is bad. Remember – you don’t need to have everyone’s approval to enjoy your life. All that matters is that you are enjoying your own life, with all it’s happy moments.

The more you accept the things you like, the more you can enjoy them. Shame and secrecy can make your ABDL lifestyle feel restrained. As you overcome the negative feelings, nurture yourself. Allow yourself to really enjoy the feelings you get from diapers and ABDL activities.

If you want to feel more positive feelings about yourself, you can purchase my Diaper Reassurance file. In this new recording, my voice guides you into feelings of comfort and relaxation. Once in a peaceful state, I weed out any feelings of shame or uncertainty and reassure you that there is a place for diapers in your life.

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How to be your ABDL’s Caregiver

As a caregiver you can be soft and cuddly or a bit more strict and firm. If you are new to having a little or adult baby, this is a good place to start. If you are a little and want someone to be your caretaker you can also follow these steps. A caregiver role involves a combination of care and taking control, I’ll call these “soft affection” and “firm affection”.  After all, giving discipline to your little may be an important part of your little’s journey. Striking the balance between care and control is important.

Step 1: Discuss your needs and limits

Before you begin, you should both write down a few sentences about what you want to gain, as well as your limits. Share your writings with each other, and see what you have in common. Maybe your little wants a strict caregiver, and you aren’t sure if you want to be strict. Knowing this, you can decide how you can try our a new role. Discuss if you want your ABDL relationship to be 24/7 or only sometimes. Ask your little – what age do they regress to when they enter little space? How do they want to be treated when they are in that mental state? Most importantly, talk about your limits. Everyone has a different limit, which may shift over time. It’s okay if your limits are not the same, as long as you respect those boundaries.

Step 2: Explore soft affection

Ask your little about what gives them comfort. Are there comfort items – like a stuffed toy that they need to have near them? What are the things that help your little get into little-space? When are the times that they most need a comforting hug or a pacifier? How often do they want to be in little space with you? It may sound technical, but knowing how many times per week, or which days (for instance weekends) they want to feel little, can help you have the best experience. What are the types of physical affection your little likes most? How can you reward your little for good behaviors?

Step 3: Explore firm affection

Firm affection has to do with establishing rules, schedules, and discipline. As a caretaker this might mean setting a bed time, setting rules to get your little to eat vegetables, or giving them punishment for a bad habit. Are there any punishments that are a hard limit for your little? Decide together which habits you want your little to build, and decide if using rewards, punishments or both will work best. Decide together if you want to have a schedule that you follow. It may even help to write it out on a calendar. Similarly, if there are rules you want your little to follow, you can write them down on a piece of paper so your little can look back to them and pay attention.

Remember, all of these things may change as you explore your relationship and that’s okay! The important thing is to always return to your discussion and make sure that you are both in agreement.

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ABDL Questions + Answers

Image source: Little Red Faerie 

What is ABDL? 

ABDL stands for adult baby/ diaper lover. The L can also stand for “little”. It’s an umbrella term for a a range of interests that involve acting like a baby, using diapers, and doing childish or babyish things. Some people consider it a constant part of their life, while others just dabble in it from time to time.

What is the difference between an adult baby and a diaper lover? 

An adult baby is someone who enjoys regressing in their age and truly feeling like a baby. A diaper lover is someone who enjoys wearing and using diapers. And adult baby isn’t always a diaper lover, since there are people

Is ABDL a kind of mental illness? 

No, ABDL is not a mental illness. Most people who are in the ABDL lifestyle are ordinary people who happen to like these activities.

Are diapers hygienic? 

For the most part diapers are hygienic, as long as you change them often. After all, if they weren’t hygienic, no one would put them on their children! There’s always the risk of diaper rash, so make sure to clean up well.

Do all ABDL’s use diapers? 

Nope! Some people just like to feel little by playing with toys, having a caregiver or sucking on a pacifier. Littles are people who regress to age 5-8

Age-play and ABDL? 

Age-play is more of an activity while ABDL is more of a lifestyle. When someone pretends to be younger for a few hours, that’s age-play. For instance, one person pretends to be a little kiddo and their partner pretends to be a babysitter. ABDL is more of a lifestyle. Most people who are adult babies see themselves as having a “little” side that’s always there in the background, not just during the times that they are acting little. However, these words are open and age-players and ABDL’s use them in lots of ways.

What is age regression? 

Age regression is the temporary experience of feeling that you’re a younger age than you are. Age regression can make you feel like you’re a little kid or baby. This means your behavior will change, and you might want to drink from a bottle, giggle, drool, or be want to play with toys. It’s a temporary mental state that you can enter and exit. Some people want to regress to being a baby, while some want to regress to an older age. There can be triggers like words or objects like a special toy or blanket that can get you to regress faster.

How does hypnosis affect an ABDL?

Hypnosis helps people regress and get into the mindset of being a little kid. Many people have conscious or subconscious barriers with letting themselves enter the ABDL mindset. Hypnosis can sidestep those barriers. It also focuses the mind onto a specific images and ideas, which can create an intense experience. Repeated focused hypnosis sessions can also help ABDL’s build new habits, like oral fixations, bed wetting, and entering little space more easily.

Does the ABDL lifestyle involve pedophilia?

No, it doesn’t. ABDL is a mental state that people take on. Being treated like a baby, being diapered or acting childish is the focus of the ABDL lifestyle. It doesn’t involve attraction to children. An adult baby or little is drawn to the experience of feeling like a child, not to actual children. Most sex offenders don’t have any kind of ABDL history.

Is ABDL a fetish or a lifestyle? 

ABDL can be a fetish, lifestyle or both. Some people enjoy being infantilized as a fetish, because the humiliation or loss of control is exciting. Others enjoy it as a comforting lifestyle that might have no sexual components at all. And of course, there is everything in between.

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Love your ABDL self: Don’t Binge and Purge

A common problem in the ABDL lifestyle is binging and purging. You go from jumping into the ABDL life to wanting to leave it. Plunging into something new, even if it’s something you like can be a shock. Diapers and baby items can bring out feelings of shame and anxiety because the ABDL life is still seen as fringe. However, that doesn’t mean this lifestyle can’t give you comfort and joy. I sometimes see advice for adult babies and littles claim drop everything and commit to this lifestyle. As a mommy, don’t support that. Nurture the changes that you see in yourself but don’t force them!

Take Baby Steps 

(Pun intended). If you’re just starting out in the lifestyle, start small. Get a comfort object- a pacifier or blankie, and start using it. Try things out one step at a time and see how it affects you. Remember there’s no rush to plunge into being an adult baby full time. If you take on too many habits too fast, you might start pushing it away. Too much change happening fast can exhaust anyone. The shock of plunging yourself into an ABDL lifestyle will not be in your favor, trust me. For instance, before deciding to become diaper dependent, try to wear diapers for one day during the week and work up to it slowly. Let your mind adjust and accept the things you are doing. If it feels like too much, take a break.

Box Your Baby Things, Don’t Throw Them Out 

The ABDL lifestyle comes in varying degrees. Some people live in diapers 24/7 and others only drop into little-space sometimes. There can be times when you have dry spells when you just aren’t feeling into it. This is perfectly normal – humans are never in a constant mental state. These dry spells are the times that babies and littles want to “purge” their habits by throwing away their diapers, toys and comfort items. During these times, instead of throwing them out, put them in a box for later. Remember:  even though you aren’t feeling drawn to these items now, you may want them later. Put the box away and if you still don’t want these things in 6 months, then throw them out. Break from the cycle of bingeing and purging.

Remember Why You’re ABDL 

If you find yourself getting into bouts of shame or uncertainty, remind yourself of all the things you enjoy in the ABDL lifestyle. There may be times when you feel shame or even rejection of the things you like, but remember you aren’t hurting anyone by liking what you like. Everyone has things that bring them comfort, and this is yours. It may help to keep a journal for yourself.  When you have a nice experience getting into little space or regressing, write about it. Describe the positive feelings you have for your ABDL activities, and later on when you’re feeling uncertainty, you can read through your thoughts. You’ll remember all the good things that come with being in the ABDL lifestyle.

Remember, everyone is on their own path and everyone has a right to enjoy it. Enjoy your ABDL self!